My Early-Onset Midlife Crisis


The brand new Porche flaunting a balding man in a v-neck. The over-botoxed housewife with the hots for her infant personal trainer. The noticeably older couple threatening body shots in a nightclub. There’s something oddly charming about first-world midlife crises—the sudden abandonment of inhibitions seems exhilarating, albeit, potentially problematic.
Perhaps more problematic is a case of early-onset midlife crisis: an untimely epiphany that I haven’t really explored all life has to offer. As a 23 year old, I hardly have the money or esteem to carry out a full blown life crisis. So, what do I do? I go to visit my 93-year-old grandma, conduct endless (primarily embarrassing) google searches, buy copious quantities of vitamins on a credit card, decide to climb the world’s highest peaks, turn to youtube for guitar lessons, scan craigslist for a new job (and a lightly used mountain bike) and I start a blog.
The outcome? I drive to the old folks home to learn my grandma is out on an excursion with her senior club, undoubtedly have to delete my web browser history, discover that I have several unopened bottles of vitamins stashed from my last health kick (plus an overdue balance on my credit card), indefinitely settle for watching Mt. Everest documentaries on Netflix, learn that guitar is hard and that I can’t learn to play “Hotel California” via a 3 minute video, and find that I’m both underqualified and uninterested in every job…ever (making it fiscally impossible to buy a mountain bike). What’s left is this blog.
The fantastic thing about an early-onset midlife crisis is the realization that there’s still time to do incredible things…preferably before my actual midlife crisis.

So, I’ll leave you with a quote from legendary cult author (and my long-time hero), Hunter S. Thompson:

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Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

XOXO
hjn
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